The most social season is upon us and with all the activities, invitations, traditions, and events, sometimes it feels impossible to do it all. But, maybe we shouldn’t be doing it all?

Ah, the holidays. A time that is portrayed as magical, promoting rest and relaxation, cute outfits, and miracles around every corner. Let’s buy anything and everything we can, no matter the cost! And spend hours baking in the kitchen, without interruption, with every single recipe turning out perfectly.

Let’s have the most beautifully decorated homes–inside and out!– and the tallest Christmas trees decorated from top to bottom with the most beautiful ornaments, where not one is out of place.

And our hair will always be washed and curled to perfection, and we’ll have cute holiday outfits and cozy angora sweaters to wear every single day, and the most beautiful dress for Christmas Eve.

Said no one ever…except the Hallmark Channel and the influencers you follow that pretend they live their lives like that every day.

Let’s be real. The magic of the holiday season is usually crammed into the final six hours of Christmas Eve as you and your husband attempt to assemble the gift that was labeled “some assembly required” when you bought it online, but open it up to discover that it’s basically the IKEA of toys and the instructions are in a language you don’t recognize with very unclear pictures and parts are missing, but somehow you pull it off and get it put together without any of the kids waking up.

The rest and relaxation is possibly the biggest hoax. Between all the family get-together’s, activities, events, baking, hosting, traveling, cooking, gift wrapping, shopping, and whatever else–who has time for rest, let alone relaxation?

The cute outfits? Are expensive and usually not at all weather appropriate, at least not for the Midwest. And even if I do buy a cute outfit, I’m likely only wearing it for 2-3 hours total before switching back into my stained sweatpants and 10 year old Columbia fleece because I’m so cold from trying to look stylish and the fabric of the dress I paid way too much for is wildly uncomfortable and either itchy or full of static.

And finally, the only miracle I’ve ever witnessed is that all of the gifts I ordered arrived before Christmas Day (thank you, Amazon delivery drivers! You’re the MVP’s and Santa’s real elves).

Bottom Line: The holidays are hard on a lot of us. Especially if you’re a mom. The pressure to make everything feel magical and special for our kids is a real and exhausting fact.

And with all the marketing and Hollywood making us feel like we have to do ALL the special things or our holiday is ruined…just doesn’t help anyone, except maybe the Kardashians.

Is it fun to think about? Sure.

But then it feels gross and hard when you realize you have a very real budget, lack of resources, lack of time, and are overwhelmed with where to start or what to choose to say “yes” or “no” to.

Here are my favorite methods to reduce stress, maintain my sanity, and not feel stretched too thin during the holidays.

This is probably my favorite and the MOST important tip I have for you.

If there is an invitation, event, activity, etc. that makes you cringe when you think about going (unless it’s your kids’ obligatory holiday band concert or something), just say no. No, thank you. Thanks for thinking of us, but we can’t make it. NO. Sorry, we’re already busy that day!

Feel free to use any of those or your own version.

We have got to stop feeling bad for saying no to things. I guarantee the first thing many of you thought of when you read that (especially if you’re a mom) is, “but I’ll feel bad if I say no.”

Listen.

Wouldn’t you rather feel at peace and less stressed in an already stressful season by saying no to 3-4 things that don’t make you feel excited?

Here’s some truth for you: You’re turning the holidays into more work for yourself.

About 10 years ago when my husband and I started dating, we had a very real conversation about holidays. I shared with him how much I love Christmas and that in my last relationship I felt like I had to do things their way and had very little opportunity or time to do things I actually love about the holiday season.

We set some boundaries and decided that every year we would spend Christmas Day just the two of us, without obligations or commitments, so we could do whatever we wanted to do.

Fast forward ten years and we have kept that promise every single year. Now that we have Viv, it’s even more important to us that we keep that sacred day for just our little triangle.

If those aren’t enough to convince you to say no to a few things, then here’s another one.

Consider what you’re teaching your kids by saying yes to every single thing. You are glorifying the busy.

You’re also sending the message that we should be saying yes to everything, even when we don’t want to do things, even if it makes us uncomfortable or adds to our stress level. That we should say yes when we want to say no, just so we don’t hurt someone’s feelings even if it’s hurting ourselves.

It breaks my heart imagining Viv feeling like I have felt, committing to things I didn’t want to do just because I was worried what someone else might think or being judged for saying no, even when it was costing me my peace. I would never want her to feel like that.

Consider also how much it’s taking out of you and affecting your mood and how you show up as a mom/wife/employee/friend/sibling/daughter/etc. That nervous, anxious, maybe angry energy will radiate out of you and even if you don’t say anything, it will send a strong message.

Most of us have some things that are obligatory around the holidays. But if we choose our hard, and then draw the line, we can minimize our stress by a lot.

Are we doing the extended family Christmas that’s two hours one way by car or are we volunteering to help with costumes at the local church Christmas pageant?

Or, you can really level up your life and just say no to both.

This is just an example of two common events that happen around the holidays. Obviously if either of those make you happy and you enjoy them, then say yes!

It’s the things you completely dread around the holidays that it’s time to say “no” to.

No, I won’t be baking 200 Christmas cookies for the bake sale. No, I won’t be driving you and your friends to a Christmas event two hours away. No, I will not be signing up to chaperone the winter formal. No, I don’t know how to sew and all the YouTube videos in the world won’t convince me to help make costumes for the school play. No, I will not choose a gift for your mother, you will. No, we are not hosting a Christmas party for the neighborhood.

Just, no.

It might feel early to you to actually start planning for all the holiday things right now, but I swear that if you stress out every year around the holidays, this will make your life so much easier and more enjoyable this holiday season.

At present, I have a note in my phone that houses every single thing we are participating in during the holidays so far so that I know what we are already committed to.

These are either already scheduled events (concerts, social events, etc.) or things that are non-negotiable, I-absolutely-do-not-want-to-miss-out-doing-this things (attending a local craft show, seeing the town’s Christmas tree lighting, etc).

In the same note, I have a running list of gift ideas for each person in my life that I am buying gifts for in a checklist format so that once I buy the gift for that person, I get to check the box and know it’s been taken care of. If I don’t know what I’m getting them yet, it stays blank by their name until I do.

This alone has lessened my mental load a ton. Keeping track of gifts, and who is getting what, and if I ordered it, or bought it already but it’s hidden…it takes the questioning right out of it and then when I’m ready to wrap gifts, I have my checklist right next to me to verify it’s all correct (just in case I accidentally checked something too early or by mistake).

Which brings me to the second part of this equation–when I say plan ahead, I mean everything.

Maybe you don’t know the specific dates yet, but you know your kids will have a band concert. Put it in your note with a ? next to it, so it’s at least on your radar.

Maybe you know your aunt is going to host a get-together with your extended family but you don’t have a date yet. Same thing, put a ? next to it.

Every single thing you know will occur, put it on your calendar or in a note. Then, you’re going to do it again for your holiday to-do’s.

Pick a day on your calendar when you are going to shop for gifts. Even if it’s from your couch after everyone goes to sleep.

Pick a day you are going to wrap gifts. I like to do it about 2 weeks before Christmas, but choose whatever works for you. Even if you aren’t going to put them out until Christmas, at least they will be wrapped and ready.

Pick a day you are going to bake your favorite Christmas cookies.

Pick a day you are going to watch your favorite holiday movies. Or, better yet, choose a few days and spread them out, one each night. But pick the days in advance.

Pick the day you are going to deliver Poinsettia plants to your neighbors (make sure they don’t have cats! They’re toxic to cats and it concerns me how many people who have cats do not know this).

Whatever Christmas-related task you have, pick a day. Then, schedule it on your calendar like an appointment.

Now, this part is key: DO NOT BREAK YOUR APPOINTMENT.

The biggest way to succeed at the planning is to execute. You have to stick to the plan and actually do the thing you said you were going to do on the day you said you were going to do it.

Sure, things come up. But make sure you reschedule so it doesn’t go by the wayside and get forgotten, because then you’re back in the same stress storm you’re used to, and we’re trying to keep your season more magical and less stressful, remember?

Speaking of…

If you want the season to feel magical, you have to treat it magical.

If you’re treating it like a chore or an endless to-do list, that’s what it’s going to feel like. Your energy will reflect it like an obligation instead of fun.

On the other hand, if you treat it like the most wonderful time of the year, it will start feeling like the most wonderful time of the year. You’ll be smiling, laughing, happy, and that will reflect to those around you, including your family.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up (pun intended) in all the busy-ness of the season. That’s also where the stress is. So think about how you want to feel this holiday season, and start choosing to feel that way in the things you let happen.

For me, every holiday season, I have a “me” night. I make popcorn, grab a plate of Christmas cookies, have some cocoa or tea, grab the fluffiest blanket in our house and wrap it around me on the couch, and I watch The Family Stone and cry my eyes out.

It may sound silly, but this is MY tradition and I love it. I get to watch one of my favorite holiday movies totally uninterrupted and have a good cry and snuggle with my cats while the Christmas trees are lit and everything feels comfy and cozy.

This is one way that I create magic for me to make it feel good. My husband and I also always watch Christmas Vacation together one night, usually have charcuterie or some fun holiday treats, put our phones down, and laugh our butts off.

Sometimes you have to create your own magic to make it feel special. If I waited for the magic to just happen…it wouldn’t.

Treat it magical and it will start to feel that way.

Where my fellow control-freak, type A personalities at?!

You’ve got to give up some control if you aren’t enjoying yourself during the holidays.

I see it all the time. Moms complaining that no one is helping them bring the magic to life for the kids, having to stay up super late to finish baking the cookies, and are the only ones buying the gifts (“no one is more shocked than dad’s seeing what they got their kids on Christmas,” sound familiar?).

It’s time to delegate. Start handing out holiday related to-do’s to your family, especially including your partner.

“But they don’t do it right or the way I like.” Girl. This is a you problem. You are adding the stress to yourself if this is you. And I get it, you want it done the way you like, which probably also happens to be the “correct” way.

But if you are overwhelmed that there’s too much to do and no one is helping, consider why. Did you ask for help or is everyone afraid you’ll yell at them for doing it wrong, or that you’ll just re-do what they’ve already done?

Channel your inner Elsa and Let. It. Go.

In our house, I have control of exactly one thing–my silver and gold Christmas tree. The “fancy” one that goes up first and is taken down last. Everything else my four-year-old and husband have a hand in helping make the season feel magical.

Remember: Your kiddos especially won’t remember all the time you took to make the tree look perfect. They’ll remember hanging their favorite ornaments while you guys talk, re-live old memories, and laugh while you listen to Christmas music.

Keep perspective, let go of perfection.

It’s called “flu season” because it’s the most common time of year people are sick, like this specific type of germ only lives around the holidays.

It doesn’t.

The fact is, we’re eating a ton of excess sugar, treats, and carbs, are staying up too late, aren’t getting enough Vitamin D since the sun is out less, and all of that is punching our immune systems in the face repeatedly. So it’s no surprise we get sick.

In order to enjoy your holidays, you need to stay healthy. Being sick and not being able to participate, or worse, being sick and still having to participate or show up is the absolute worst.

I talk a lot about health and being at your best because I believe it’s important, especially around the holidays so you can be at your best, physically and mentally, and enjoy your time instead of being sick or taking care of people who are sick.

Keep yourself healthy by doing these simple things every single day:

• Drink water. Start your day by drinking water, not caffeine. When you wake up, your body is thirsty. Start with a few chugs while the coffee brews to get your body hydrated before you dehydrate it with caffeine. Keep drinking water throughout your day.
• Lead with protein. Start your day by actually eating something, and let it be protein if possible. Greek yogurt, eggs, a protein shake–something. Not only does it keep you fuller longer, it nourishes your body and gives you more fuel than caffeine ever will.
• Move your body. Go for a walk, do some desk squats, stretch, walk up and down the stairs a few times, hit a class, or get in a 30 minute workout. Try and do this at least 3-5 times a week. Your body was not meant to sit and be idle all day. Your systems need movement to stay healthy. And if you’re tired? The cruel irony is that you have to give energy to get energy. Moving your body gives you more energy–more sustainable energy–and improves your sleep, even if you’re short on that too. So get that blood pumping and start moving.
• Get outside. Sitting in recycled air that you and everyone else has been breathing is a great way to get and keep germs. Get outside and get some fresh air. Huge bonus if the sun is outside. Let it hit your face for 5-10 minutes because that’s the Vitamin D you’re missing! It’s also a huge mood booster.

I’m all for indulging on the holidays. It’s the over-indulging without including the healthy stuff that’s going to ruin your holidays with prolonged illness.

Obviously this isn’t an ironclad plan. You could still get sick. Your kids could still get sick. (I just had a scratchy throat, but it only lasted for two days, which was manageable).

But doing what you can to reduce your odds of getting sick is going to work in your favor by either avoiding illness altogether or drastically reducing the amount of time you spend sick so you can get back to having holiday fun!

It’s called Happy Holidays because it’s, in fact, supposed to be…happy!

I think sometimes we let the pressure of the gifting, shopping, experiences, events, baking, and everything that goes along with the holiday season get to us and it starts to make us overwhelmed. This is when the happy fades and we just can’t wait for it all to be over.

Most of us love the holidays because of our kids. I have always loved the holidays, but now I love it even more because of Viv and seeing her light up with excitement at the lights, baking, present wrapping, gift giving, and the snow.

It occurred to me a couple of years ago that if I’m not happy during the holidays (not 24/7, but just in general) that my energy transfers to her and suddenly she isn’t enjoying it anymore either. And then my husband definitely isn’t enjoying it 😉

These tips aren’t guaranteed, but they are what helps me stay focused on the true spirit of the holidays and help remind me that stress and overwhelm is not what the season is about.

I truly hope these tips help you like they help me and that you have the most enjoyable holiday yet!

Wishing you the happiest holiday season,