In celebration of my birthday, I’m reflecting a bit and sharing the most valuable things I’ve learned so far and sharing them with you.

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Thursday I turned 37 years old and all week as the day approached I kept thinking of how different celebrating birthdays is now compared to when I was in my twenties, and even more so than when I was a teenager and a kiddo.

It always felt like a much bigger deal when I was a kid. Decorations, cake, tons of gifts, probably a birthday party with friends and family. Teen years I spent most my birthdays with friends wishing we were older so we could do something cooler than grabbing Taco Bell through the drive thru and see a late movie before rushing to get home before curfew.

Most of my birthdays in my twenties…I don’t remember. Enough said.

When I hit my thirties, there was a noticeable shift. I felt more mature, like I had figured out life a little bit, and I had a small amount of excess money to spend on some frivolous things. And then when I was 32 I got pregnant and had Viv at 33. No more excess money, and definitely went back to feeling like I knew nothing.

But can I tell you something? Thirties have been my favorite decade so far in my life. If you are reading this and are in your twenties, it’s an urban legend that your twenties are the best time of your life. What. A. Joke. I spent most of my twenties broke from paying back student loans, not having enough work experience yet to earn a decent livable salary, and living on an unbalanced scale of “YOLO” and “Crap, I have to make $22 last until my next paycheck…”

If it wasn’t money, it was relationships and trying to figure out how to navigate them and whether or not I was ready to settle down (I wasn’t) or move states and start over (which I did) or try a new career (also did that). So much uncertainty and lack of confidence came with my twenties and life just felt kind of messy, dramatic, and hard. But my thirties? There’s a new level of confidence that comes from living some life, making some mistakes, getting some things right, and being able to utilize experience to your advantage both personally and professionally for the first time in my life.

Each year I feel as if I unlock a new level and earn a new badge or figure out a new secret that makes things just a little easier than the last level. So this year, I’m sharing my most valuable level ups I’ve learned along the way (so far) with all of you.

I have walked through so many different seasons in my life and I’m only 37. You will undoubtedly go through some hard seasons, some fun seasons, some growth seasons, some depressing seasons, some beautiful seasons, some sad seasons, and some you’ll never expect but you’ll look back on and either thank the maker you’re on the other side of it or wonder how you can repeat it.

It’s important to remember, particularly when you are walking through a difficult time, that seasons change. You’ll always walk out of one and into another. It’s truly the ebb and flow of life.

The generation below me is getting a nasty stereotype for not wanting to work, or not wanting to work hard, and expecting everything to be handed to them. Personally, I think social media and YouTube in particular are partially to blame because it only shows the glamorous side of someone’s life and their “overnight success.”

If someone has massive success without working hard, it’s likely because someone else worked really hard for them on their behalf and now they’re riding coat tails of someone else (the Kardashians in particular come to mind here).

Let me tell you what I absolutely know for sure. No one, and I mean NO ONE, who works hard is an overnight success. They have likely worked for years behind the scenes until they see “overnight success.” It’s an absolute myth that they woke up and suddenly “made it.” While you and I were sleeping, they were working.

Here’s what else I know. Working hard is incredibly life giving. IF you are working hard doing something you love. Conversely, working hard at something you hate absolutely ruins your life. If you truly believe that you don’t want to work hard because it sucks or it’s…well, HARD…then you haven’t found the right thing to work hard for yet. And I would highly encourage you to do something soul searching, dig deep, and figure out what you love and start working hard for it.

For humanity’s sake, please PLEASE pursue your passions. If you play an instrument, paint, work on classic cars, knit, arrange flowers, bake sourdough, bake cakes, brew beer, cook, woodwork, write…whatever it is you LOVE to do. Pursue it and do it passionately and unapologetically. This world needs your gift. Take a look around. We’re living in some tough, dark times. We all need more light and if you are pursuing something passionately, you are shining your brightest light.

“No” is a complete sentence. No explanations necessary. For literally anything.

People everywhere are afraid of all kinds of things. Death is one of the most popular fears. I suppose it stems from fear of the unknown, but it’s also something you can’t really control. And here’s the thing.

Fear doesn’t stop death. It stops life.

Do not stop living because you’re afraid of dying. Heck, even if it’s not death you’re afraid of, don’t stop living because you’re afraid of whatever it is you’re afraid of. Live fearlessly. I believe that being fearless does not mean that you live your life not being afraid of things. I believe it means that you’re afraid and you do them anyway. Do them scared and continue to live.

Judgement from others is something I think we’ve all dealt with from time to time. But this has stuck with me for years. It’s something one of my favorite nonfiction authors has said over and over and I’d like to share it with you.

Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.

I’ll wait while you read that again. Slowly.

Possibly the greatest joy in this life is to live it for yourself. The way you want to, how you want to, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. If you are always thinking about what other people will think of you, you’ll spend your entire life pretending to be someone you’re not. Which is exhausting.

And if that isn’t enough to convince you to stop putting stock in what others think, I’ll leave you with this. Judging you for your beliefs or actions says more about them than you. It’s their own insecurities being projected on to you. It’s not up to you to carry that around for others. Don’t sign up for that.

Sometimes we have to make big decisions. I wish someone would have told me sooner that just because it’s the right decision, it doesn’t mean you have to be happy about it. Not every right decision will make us immediately happy or excited. Some of the best decisions can be very hard and painful to make.

There will always be people trying to cheer you up about it. I personally think it’s because most people are uncomfortable with the emotion of sadness. They’re worried you’re going to cry and they won’t know what to do or somehow task themselves with it being their job to cheer you up. But here it is. Let people be sad. Have you seen Inside Out on Disney+? Spoiler alert. That is basically the entire premise of the movie.

Big decisions are emotional. And they aren’t all sunshine and daisies. Breakups, divorce, moving, changing careers, leaving careers, terminating pregnancies, bankruptcy, stopping chemotherapy, ending life support, putting down a beloved pet, and a number of other really hard and difficult decisions people make every single day are very, very sad. I would not expect anyone on that list to be smiling the next day or any time in the near future…would you?

We need to let ourselves be sad about the hard decisions we make. Hold space for it. It’s okay.

There’s this concept in the personal development space that wearing something red every day will boost your confidence and make you feel fearless. Red is an intense, bright color. It is typically associated with distress, anger, or violence. Red usually equals danger. It’s also associated with passion, love, strength, and luck.

When is the last time you wore a red shirt? Not just one with red in it, I mean a full on solid color RED shirt. If you’re a guy, how about a tie? What about red lipstick? Taylor Swift, Marilyn Monroe, Gwen Stefani, Rihanna, Elizabeth Taylor. Timeless red-lipped goddesses. All because those badass women weren’t afraid to wear the boldest color. And they own it.

Give it a try if you don’t believe me. Wear red lipstick. Or a solid colored red sweater. Paint your nails. Not maroon. Fire engine RED. Will you get more attention? Yes. But you’ll also notice a difference in how you present yourself. Confident. Bold. Ready for anything.

Imagine what this world would be like if more women just wore red 😉

Okay, there you have it. That certainly isn’t everything I’ve learned in 37 years, but those are the most valuable lessons and pieces of wisdom that I’ve come across so far. Tested and measured by yours truly.

It sounds like something people say every year on their birthday, but I’m truly so excited for this year and to see what 37 looks like. I feel a renewed energy and more confident than ever. It’s going to be a great year ahead and no matter what it brings, I know for certain that I am capable of navigating whatever comes to me. How do I know? I’ve done it every single time so far. So have you.

Cheers, and thanks for being here with me for this trip around the sun.