My husband and I started this tradition the year we started dating to prevent us from going too gift crazy. Now that we have a toddler, we love it even more!

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I love gift giving. If I could make a career out of gift giving, I would. It would be right up there with wanting to own my own Christmas tree farm. However, this takes a massive toll on your bank account if you don’t have any self control. And I don’t.

A number of years ago, my mom shared how she used to holiday shop for me and my brother. It’s a simple method that avoids overspending…and over-spoiling. She said it was also helpful that each kid got the same number of gifts. I know we would all love to believe that kids don’t care about how many gifts they receive, but the fact is…once they reach a certain age, they notice when their sibling got to open more gifts than they did. Dollar amounts don’t make as much sense to kiddos as quantity of gifts.

The rule goes like this, to the tune of a catchy rhyme:

“Something you want, something you need, something to wear, & something to read.”

Over time I know there have been a few verses added to include up to six or eight gifts. Personally, I like the idea of four because by the time my toddler gets gifts from us, others, and Santa Claus, she has more than enough to keep her busy and overstimulated.

So, for the sake of this post and how our family does gifts, I’ll be sharing how we use the 4 gift rule.

I would highly recommend using this alongside your holiday budget. If you don’t have one, check out My 2024 Holiday Season Budget where I share exactly what ours looks like. There’s also a blank copy for you to make your own.

Something you want. Pretty straightforward. Every kid has at least one thing they would love to get for Christmas. If it’s too expensive, or they have multiple items on their wish list, I usually pick the one I feel they will get the most play or enjoyment out of. You know your kids best, so use your judgment. If you are doing this with your partner, this is the hardest category to lock down, at least for me.

My husband rarely “wants” anything these days. So I end up getting creative when I don’t have any solid hints. I usually look at gadgets or things he would think are cool. If your partner has a hobby they’re into (hunting, fishing, gaming, reading, card collecting, working out, brewery tours, traveling, etc.) you can pretty easily add to their enjoyment of it by getting them something related. They may not know they want it, but they’ll love it anyway because it contributes to something they love. And sometimes “want” and “love” can be interchanged, especially for gift giving.

Another way to look at this category is to get them something they probably wouldn’t buy for themselves. Especially if it’s too expensive, extravagant, or something they would feel guilty getting for themselves.

These gifts don’t have to cost money either. You can gift time. Something I think a lot of us feel like we are severely lacking.

Here’s an example. My husband loves video games. He grew up playing them with his mom and his brothers, and it’s something that brings him joy. The reality is that he just doesn’t have (or make) the time to play them much these days. He works a lot, usually 6 days a week, and even when he isn’t technically working, it tends to leak into life anyway (the life of a business owner). He’s also a huge family man. He would rather spend time with me and our toddler (most days, haha).

One gift I plan on giving him for Christmas this year is 6 uninterrupted hours of game play time. No family obligations, no work, no interruptions from me or our toddler. Just him, his games, and snacks. Viv and I will literally be leaving the premises to make sure he gets this.

Sometimes it’s as easy as reverse engineering it. What do you want? Would your partner also enjoy the same thing? Or a different version of it?

Give this one some thought. It’s usually the category I end up fulfilling last.

Something you need. This can be as expensive or inexpensive as you want. In years past I have done a planner and pens for the upcoming year (I’ve done this one a couple times), a new tool set, socks, bathrobe and slippers, beard maintenance kit, a multi-pack of phone chargers, toothbrush & toothpaste, and running shoes. For Viv, we have done diapers & wipes, toothbrush & toothpaste, and a humidifier. This will only be her fourth Christmas earth-side, so we keep it very straightforward and practical.

Don’t over-complicate this one. Little kids just want something to open and to be included. I love this category because it can be the most humble of all four categories and adds some practicality to the mix of gift giving among all the extravagance.

Something to wear. The obvious choice for this one is clothes. Other things to wear include:

• Pajamas
• Slippers
• Socks
• Shoes
• Underwear
• Jewelry
• Watch
• Hat
• Gloves or mittens
• Scarf
• Coat or jacket
• Sunglasses
• Hair accessories
• Nail polish

You can even combine a couple of them that go together for a nice outfit or look.

For example, Viv got snow pants, hat and mittens two years ago (wear) and a sled (want). I’ve bought Jaremy shoes in the past and included a new pack of socks. Honestly, if you’re getting new shoes, having brand new socks to go with them is the best.

Something to read. The obvious choice here is a book. This is usually the route we go because we all love books, including Viv. But I always get at least a few people that tell me, “oh, my partner doesn’t read.” I get it. Literature has taken a big step back with the rise of screens and other forms of entertainment. However, because my undergrad degree is in literature (nerd alert!), I feel it’s my duty to highly encourage you not to skip this category.

When I met my husband and we started dating, he wasn’t a big reader either. But he learned how much I love to read and it has encouraged him to also read more. He even took me to the bookstore on one of our first few dates (what a guy!).

In years past, I’ve gotten him the Games of Thrones series, some historical books (because he likes history), and memoirs or biographies from athletes or musicians that he loves. Currently, he is reading the authorized Tupac biography.

Other ideas include magazines, comic books, comics, graphic novels, or even “coffee table books.” These are books you don’t really read (at least not more than once) and you just kind of flip through them for fun. There’s usually more pictures than words, and they are over-sized. Lots of pop culture exists in this space. You can find them for the Avengers or almost any superhero, Disney, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Pokemon, Minecraft, Super Mario Bros, sports, art, cars, video games…there’s something for everyone. You can find them wherever books are sold. Like wall calendars, you can find a theme for almost anything! It’s a novelty more than something to read, but still technically a book.

Still not sure what to get? Check out Books I’ll Always Recommend for some of my favorites, my husband’s favorites, and my toddler’s favorites.

Using these four rules has helped my husband and I stay on the same page when it comes to gift giving. No one’s feelings are hurt, we each get the same number of gifts, and it’s an easy system to remember that guides us on what to get the other person instead of just winging it.

We are also responsible for filling each other’s stockings. I usually take care of Viv’s and just show him what I picked up. The only rule is that everything has to fit inside the stocking, which limits us to smaller items. We also have an annual tradition of exchanging ornaments with each other and have since chosen one together for Viv each year. Then, when she eventually moves out, she’ll have a bunch of her own ornaments to decorate her own tree.

So that’s how we gift in the Merrill household! However you choose to buy gifts, I hope you find joy in the journey and have the most amazing holiday season.